Mission: Apology
by VulcanTrekkie
Summary: When Clint Barton's mind was being controlled by Loki, he killed a lot of people he didn't want to. But when he discovers one of his victims made it out alive, Barton assigned himself a new mission. A mission to apologize. (Two-Shot)
1. Chapter 1

***Clint a few days after the first Avengers movie***

Natasha told me not to look into this, but I had to know. I had to know how many people I killed while under Loki's control.

I was currently in SHIELD headquarters, rummaging through the files in the computer's database. I knew deep down that I shouldn't uncover this pit because my guilt will only get stronger, but at the same time I knew my guilt wouldn't let me move on until I knew the full extent of what I've done.

I decided to look through SHIELD's Medical files to see how many people within the past few days were killed from an arrow wound. I was one of the only archers in SHIELD, so any arrow wound was most likely caused by me. I'll never know the exact number of people I've hurt, but at least it'll give me an estimate.

Before I looked at the files, I paused. Should I really do this to myself? Maybe Tasha was right and knowing the numbers wouldn't do me any good.

I thought for a moment before proceeding. I just feel that if I know what I've done, I could somehow set things right by acknowledging my wrongs.

I hit enter and a number of medical files came up where people had gotten arrow wounds. I took in a deep breath and started reading through the results. I rested my chin against my fist, uneasy, as I searched through the files for what seemed like hours. Tears constantly threatened to fall from my eyes as I read through all the deaths I've caused, and sometimes those tears did fall.

I looked through about two dozen recent medical surveys of people shot with my arrows, usually directly in the head or the heart. I started looking into these people's files, to learn more about them in hopes that I could do something to right my wrong. Some of these men and women had families, children, siblings, parents, one was even supposed to get married and leave SHIELD in less than a month to start their own family. And I just killed all these people and their hopes, dreams, and plans, without a second thought.

I slammed my fist on the table, a new stream of tears threatening to fall. I buried my face in my hands, trying to take in what I've done to all these people. Tying to take in the fact that they were all dead because of me.

I rested my back against my chair and stopped. Why did I ever think I could right my wrong? I _murdered_ these people and ruined their familys' lives. I can never bring these people back or fix that.

As I was about to slam my laptop closed, another medical file caught my eye. Instead of putting an arrow through this person's heart or head, it said I hit their shoulder. I never miss my target, so I was curious to investigate this.

I opened up the file and I was surprised by my findings. This person didn't die from their wound, they were currently recovering in one of SHIELD's sick bays.

I paused. I never expected that anyone made it out of my bow and arrow's grasp alive these past days, and yet someone did, but how? Why did I miss their heart? I never miss.

The name at the top of the file read Noelle Simmons. I decided to look her up in the database to learn more about her. Her profile picture had short brown hair and green eyes. I studied the picture for a moment before continuing my information search. She was one of SHIELD's Security Guards, meaning she wasn't a spy or agent technically, but she was hired to protect other agents while they were working in the SHIELD bases. Being ready to fight when needed, she probably ran right into the crossfire while on duty, as the Helicarrier was attacked.

I'm glad she was alive, but I still injured her. This discovery didn't help the guilt I still felt.

As I continued to look through her file, I thought to myself. I knew I needed to do something to try and fix this mess I've made with her. She was still alive, meaning there was a chance I could. But how?

I knew one thing, I knew I needed to apologize. I needed to apologize in person and give her an explanation. She deserved that much for what I did. However, this plan could end in any number of ways depending on her reaction. But I didn't need her forgiveness, how could she, or anyone, forgive me for what I've done anyway? I just needed to tell her what she deserved to know.

I stood up and closed my laptop. I grabbed my black jacket off the back of my chair and left the room.

I must complete my mission. My mission to apologize.


	2. Chapter 2

I walked down the white halls of SHIELD's sick bay, looking for the room Noelle Simmons was recovering in. I was extremely nervous about facing her and explaining that I was the one who almost put an arrow through her heart, but I knew I had to do this. She deserved to know the truth of what happened.

When I finally found her room, I hesitated at the door. This could be a horrible idea, but I pushed that thought aside as I knocked a couple of times. I heard a voice say, "Come in," and I cautiously opened the door.

There was another man in the room talking to Ms. Simmons, and he clearly wasn't a doctor based on his SHIELD security uniform. He was probably a friend who worked with her.

I stood in the door frame for an awkward moment as they finished their conversation with a laugh. But when she looked to see who was standing at the door, her laugh faded and her face drained. She recognized me.

Ms. Simmon's voice was slightly cynical as she said, "Is there anything I can help you with?"

I looked between her and her friend for a second. "Ms. Simmons, can I talk to you for a few minutes?" There was a long pause and I saw that she was skeptical, as she should be, so I emphasized, "I just want to talk."

She thought for a long moment as she made her decision. She looked up at her friend with a slight smile. "Harold, do you think you can wait outside for a minute?"

Harold caught on to the tension that was in the air as he looked at me and Noelle nervously. He leaned down to her and whispered in her ear. "Are you sure? Is everything okay?"

She put her good hand on his shoulder and replied quietly. "I'll be fine. Just... stay close by."

Harold nodded and as he started walking out the door. He gave me a long glance before closing it.

I continued to stand close to the door because I didn't want to make Ms. Simmons even more worried. There was a brief silence before she spoke first.

"Why are you here?" She snapped in a harsh whisper, glaring me.

I took a deep breath. "I... I needed to talk to you. You deserve some answers for this mess I've caused."

There was a long silence as she continued to stare me down. Before speaking she sighed, allowing herself to lower her guard. "This is a crazy decision I'm making, and I don't want to regret it. Maybe it's the pain killing drugs talking, but I do want some answers. Even if it is from the guy who shot me."

I rubbed the back of my neck while avoiding her gaze. "I guess you still remember that part..."

"Yeah, you don't easily forget the guy who shot you with an arrow." She replied seriously. "I'm really hoping you didn't come to finish the job though."

I finally looked at her straight and said, "That's the last thing I want to do. I just came to explain some things and say…. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry I did this to you. I never wanted to hurt anyone."

She studied me for a minute before clarifying. "So are you going to give me some answers to what happened as an apology?" I nodded as she continued. "Good, because SHIELD is being a pain and keeping me in the dark about this whole situation I'm stuck in. But first off, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Anything."

She asked, "Are you a double agent or something?"

Confusion crossed my face as I wondered why she asked that. "No, I'm not a double agent. Why do you ask?"

"Well... you seemed to be fighting on the bad side when invading the helicarrier and firing at us, but then I saw you on the news from the aftermath. You were part of this new Avengers team, fighting to protect everyone. They even had a clip from when you helped civilians trapped in a bus. So excuse me, but I'm a little confused."

I let out a sigh. "It's… a long story. But I owe you an explanation from what I've done, so I'm prepared to tell it if you'd like." I said while not breaking eye contact with her. I wanted to show I was serious and sincere.

"I would like that, yes." Ms. Simmons said and waved her good arm at the chair near her bedside. "Feel free to take a seat instead of standing across the room."

I nodded and mumbled a small "Thanks" as I moved the seat a little farther back from her bed. I wanted to make sure I didn't make her uncomfortable by being to close. I did shoot her after all.

As I sat down, I leaned forward and placed my arms on my legs. I fiddled with my folded fingers a bit until mentioning, "It is a crazy story, and I don't know if you'll believe me Ms. Simmons, but I am telling the truth."

Ms. Simmons smiled a bit. "Try me. After these past few days of working for SHIELD, I think I'm ready to believe anything. And please, call me Noelle."

I nodded. "I'm Clint." I said before finally starting my explanation. I told her as much as possible from my hazy memory. I told her about the mind control, the wrong things I did while under that control, how I got into the huge battle, everything. Of course I had to leave out certain classified information such as the tesseract, but even then I told her there were some parts of the story that I had to keep classified. I felt like I needed to come clean, as if it would help my guilt dissipate, but even after I told her the story, I didn't feel much different.

When I finished telling it, there was a long silence. I continued to look at my folded hands and waited for her to take everything in.

"Thank you." She said and I looked at her, confused.

"I-I don't understand. Why are you thanking me?"

She smiled. "Thank you for telling me the truth and for helping those thousands of people in the city."

I leaned back and looked at her. "But I still killed over two dozen innocent people. I don't deserve anyone's thanks."

She straightened in her bed the best she could so she could face me better. "You said it yourself, you couldn't control your actions. And, well, the way I see it, you could have sat around drowning in your own pool of sorrow over something you couldn't control. But instead, you tried to right your wrongs in the best way possible, by protecting thousands of other people who needed saving."

I looked down at my feet again. Since the attack on the city happened, I have only thought about the people I killed, instead of the ones I saved. I always knew deep down that I couldn't control my actions with Loki, but I never let myself believe in it.

"I still can't forget all those people I did kill. It's my mind, and I was still buried somewhere in it, watching everything unfold. I still feel like I could have done something more to stop myself from hurting people."

There was a pause before Noelle spoke again. "Well... maybe you did more than you think to prevent total control from whatever invaded your mind."

I looked at Noelle, confused, as she continued. "In your explanation, you said that you never miss a target you aim at, yet you missed sending an arrow to my heart. Maybe your target wasn't my heart and you indeed hit your target, saving my life."

I stopped and thought about her sudden theory. It was logical. I haven't missed a target since I was a child, so why would I start missing now?

"Even if that's true though, I still killed many others. Why save only one person out of that bunch? No offense."

She smiled a bit. "None taken. If your memory is a bit hazy, any number of things could have happened. Maybe you saved more lives than just mine somehow."

After a moment, I smiled. I smiled for the first time in what felt like forever. I still had guilt bundled up inside me, but talking to Noelle did help lessen the load.

There was a long moment of silence as I let everything we talked about sink in. "Thank you."

"Well now it's my turn to ask. Why are you thanking me?" She replied.

"Thank you for this talk, Noelle. You helped me realize a lot. I guess I needed a stranger to help get some of these things through my head, to help me understand I shouldn't blame myself."

Noelle smiled. "You're a good guy Clint. I'm glad I could help you out."

As she held out her good hand, I stood up from my seat and lightly shook it. "Keep in touch Clint, I'd love it if you'd pop into my life and say 'hi' every once in awhile."

"I'd love to keep in touch, Noelle." I said and walked to to door. As I was about to open it and leave, I heard her say something.

"And Clint..."

"Yeah?" I answered as I turned to face her.

"I forgive you." Noelle smiled and waved. I did the same and nodded to Harold on my way down the barren hallway. I smiled brightly as I realized my mission was successful.


End file.
